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Rolled

This semester at school I’m an officer in the English club, and one of the fun activities we’ve been doing is called “Sudden Fiction.” I’d never heard of it before, but apparently it’s popular in certain circles. In any case, the way it works is that our advisor chooses a picture, usually a panel from an old comic book, and in the leadup to the bi-monthly meetings, participants write a brief story of 150 words or less. This story is in response to this week’s prompt image, which is linked here. Hope you enjoy :).

Rolled

He said somebody wanted him dead, but nobody’d wanna kill him. “Make up your damn mind, kid” I told him, annoyed at the contradiction. He had one of those unlikeable faces. His plastic smile and glassy eyes seemed almost molded by the hands of deceit itself, and I couldn’t help but feel off- kilter. His voice was like a young boy grown much too tall, and this coupled with his perfect bowtie and well-pressed orange suit hit me with the kind of drubbing that’ll make a man question his own senses.

“It’s just a feelin’ I got” he said, bobbing on his heels; I’d had enough. “I can’t help ya, kid. Sorry, but beat it.” He sneered as he turned away, “worthless dick.” When I heard the pop ring out from my gun hand and watched him fall dead, I suddenly understood why somebody might wanna kill him.

  • That’s great! Nice twist and you packed a lot in 150 words. I liked the comic style dialog and the twist made me laugh loud enough to confuse my coworkers.

    “It’s just a feelin’ I got” he said, bobbing on his heels I want to pop him too.

    When I heard the pop ring out from my gun hand This threw me a little, the word ‘pop’ didn’t register immediately as a gun sound. I had to go back and read it again. Maybe ‘bang’ or some harsher onomatopoeia.